Remember that when you're upset you do have some control over how you feel. You can take charge of the situation and do what you can to make yourself feel better! Or, you can think or act in ways that will ultimately lead to self-sabotage. You are the master of your emotions; you can keep them under control! -Eddy Selby

Hi, I don't trust you.

I'm not naive anymore but I also don't like how I don't trust easily anymore. I'm scared to trust people... I know I should not base any of my decisions from the events that happened in the past but I don't want to get hurt anymore because of trust issues.

I have a lot of expectations for myself...

I hope,and I want to be a volunteer at the aquarium. I hope I passed the interview... or I'm going to be pretty damn disappointed. I need to do well on the AP test even though I know I'm not going to...UGH. I don't want to get myself into some stupid relationship again, I don't know if I can trust any guy anymore. I need to win my matches and improve in Tennis, I have to admit I'm pretty proud of how good I am compared to not even knowing how to hit the ball a year ago. I need to focus on school, my grades are going WAY down. I know this is selfish but I need to focus on myself as a person and just calm down from all this stress.

I miss you.

I miss it when you used to wait by the window for me to come home.
I miss it when you would greet me with kisses and a goofy smile.
I miss it when you used to cheer me up.
I miss it when you would play with me and make my day.
I miss it when you would immediately just want to snuggle.
I miss it when you used to just fall asleep on my chest.
I miss it when you would kiss me even when I think it's grossssss.
I miss it when you would get scared of trash bags... and then I'd run around the house chasing you with it.

I MISS YOU PEANUT!!!

OHMYGAWSH, I WANT MY DOG BACK! :'(

AP is killin' me

Cry cry cry :'(
Anyways, so I was on the way to the mall today and I witnessed a guy jaywalking er, running in a busy street... right in front of our car! It was some scary sh*eeet. I mean seriously, he was so frantically running to get across the street that he TRIPPED in the middle of the road!! OHMYGOODNESS... it was crazy! How could he risk his life to get across the street! How could he just take his life so lightly like that. That's what crosswalks are for dummy, so people can avoid getting hit by a car! And he's pretty damn lucky that he didn't get hit. He should be thanking God right now that he's alive.
So yup, that's my random thought of the day... :)
back to AP :( ...boohoooo

Oh Sunny Day

Today was a beautiful day, the sun was out, hey it was even somewhat warm (spots where the sun hit you)! But why... why... DID THERE HAVE TO BE BEES EVERYWHERE?!?! OHMYGAWSH! So I found out bees are attracted to dark colors because you know their enemies are black bears or whatever. Guess what? I was wearing BLACK jeans and a HUGE bee kept on following me as I was walking home from the bus! I was already paranoid because I hate riding the bus home (it's my second time this year tehe)especially since it takes like 1/2 an hour to get home, and I was squished to death on the bus! A girl sat next to me, and then another er... BIGGER girl sat next to her and I was so uncomfortable! Hahaha Anyways, the bee...it was buzzing and bumping around my legs, scariest bug! I haven't even been stung by a bee before and I'm still terrified of them... >.< I was walking and eep-ing and trying to escape the wrath of the HUGE bee.
Oh so embarrassing!
This totally reminds me of the DECA competition when a "bee" started to fly around me during the test and I was f-f-f-freaking out so bad. hahah I was twitchin' and eep-ing and surrounded by what ... like a hundred or two people. It ended up being a fly. YAY. Except, I also HATE FLIES. And the worst part was that it was HUMONGOUS, like one of those horse flies! It landed on my paper upside down... I didn't even want to look at it... ughhhhh. Thank goodness Michelle was there to rescue me. Phew.

I don't care if anyone thinks I'm a girly girl for writing a blog about this... BEES, FLIES, SPIDERS, ALL THEM BUGS...THEY NASTYYYY!

...I am forever scarred.

Innocence?

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't steal and I'm not going to anytime soon. I'm not hitting up the parties, cracking the bottles, smoking a joint. Nawww, I'm better than that. I have my morals. Hah the craziest thing I've ever done is making out with a guy who was/is pretty much a stranger. Which I kind of regret but I try not to regret. I was caught off guard and BAM! His lips were all over the place... Hahahah. But hey, I'm not a naive little girl either. I just believe that I don't have to prove to anyone that I can down them bottles or what ever. I'm not gonna lie I want to experience the crazy parties or whatever but I can wait, hopefully I won't go back on my word and be a hypocrite...

I really hate...

getting into fights with my best friends. Ugh, I was so inconsiderate towards Tiffany and I realized it too late! I hate that... the worst part was that I felt as if I was becoming like my mom and it really scares me. My mom is the BEST at bringing me dooooown and she is such a pessimist. I mean I love her, I really do. BUT, seriously she is so full of anger and aasdhkalsflaf! It's so hard to deal with her. I feel as if nothing ever really pleases her and everything that I do is never going to be okay.

Anyways... lesson learned! Criticism is a no no and it does not help the situation. Dumb me. >>Text to Tiffany

"I'm disappointed and I'm mad. I will never understand. I'm sorry I've been giving you my thoughts. Now I know to not. I'll listen but never agree. That's just how it will always be. But from now on I won't criticize and keep an open mind. I'm only a bystander, what can I do? I'll just listen."

I wish that she could just get over him already! But what can I do... NOTHING. Well, listen yeah but that's about it. I hate ____. HATE. At this moment, she's probably thinking about him, with her loving emotions that remain lingering while he is thinking about 2 other girls and maybe, MAYBE with her in the corner of his mind... DOUBT IT.

This is so old...

Oh man last year was the best! Mrs. Wright had the best assignments especially when she assigned us to write poems! (Michelle you know what I'm talking about :D) I wrote about lame things though... I think we had to rhyme or something in this poem...

"Silently Screaming" by Priscilla Vorng

It angers me how you silently hide,
The emotions you love to keep inside,
You make me feel rejected and denied,
Can't you express your feelings and confide,
Isn't it only fair you tell the truth,
No need for lying, you can speak your mind,
Tell me soon before we waste all our youth,
It doesn't matter, no need to be kind,
Selfish, you are; someone will always hurt,
Forget that just choose the one you love most,
If you don't stop you will look like a flirt,
I already know you love me the least,
Even though you left me for your lover
I'll love you now and always forever.

Wow... that was horrible rhyming! Why am I so bad at it... hahahhaha

Woooo, urbangermany = LOVE

Broken promises...

I hate liars, and I cannot stand people breaking promises. If you can't keep a promise then don't make one! Everyone knows that. It hurts too much to be lead on and forgotten, evvvvvvvil people. hahahah

It's been a long time...

...since I've even been on this! Just me and my thoughts

"Mind over matter. I don't mind, you don't matter."

1/24/2010

Alika is born! <3 I'm going to be the best aunt ever! Today, was such a good day! Volunteered at the mission was fun, serving the homeless makes me feel good inside. :)And then, Alika was born and she is so beautiful, ahh I love her already. <3

Men and women hold on far too long to fantasy relationships with people who only want to toy around.

Heckyeah. Thank goodness I got over him! phew :) He can't say that I didn't try to see him when he comes to Seattle. Ugh, I felt like he only liked me because of my appearance and he was a perv who answered with 2 word responses! I should have forgotten about him long ago and savored the memories from then, especially since he took my first kiss :( 2010 is the year without him in my mind! I feel stupid, it was only a week that we spent together anyways. WOW it sounds even worse now that I think about it. Ohwell I'm done and over with it. Yay.